BB2 attempt...

Ah. Young love. Of course I get on the bus w four fifteen year olds. 2 girls and 2 boys, and obviously they,re coupled out and in love - oh yeah and did I mention I’m alone.

Lol.

I was speaking w my constant enlightener the other night and she said,
“love, it just doesn’t get easier, it sucks when you’re sixteen and it sucks when you’re twenty six.”

I was like damnNNNNN. Hmmm…..it’s so true. But at sixteen you think that it will get better right? At least that’s what I thought.

But since then I haven’t even had the time to think about how hard it was. All my thoughts were consumed into issues at hand. Not realizing that love was the real issue.

Love is a job in itself. Realizing what love means, acknowledging the sacrifices and obstacles that will be thown onto your path. That love is a commitment. one that you make with one (supersupersuper) special person.

And then, ta-da!!!!!!!!!! You make it work! Lol.
Yeah right, if only.

Seriously though, if you are questioning your present state of existence to one person then you should really re evaluate your placement.

How much of your own happiness must you compromise.

Well here’s the answer: just as much as he is.

So lady, just remember, there is such a thing called unfairness, you better be getting AT least just as much as you give out.

I say at least cause f it. I don’t care, you are the lady, you are his, he should recognize what that is and surpass the expectations expectation.

Find a man who truly adores you and shows you that through affection everyday.

.t
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

damn...

i wrote my first BB this morning at 2:43am when i was on my way home and i guess it didn’t work. ahhh…and it was so gin and tonic good!!! at least, i think it was.

but maybe it wasn’t. maybe it was me without thinking. i used to do that a lot. so yeah, now that i think about it, it’s probably better it didn’t go through.

i know, you don’t even know what it was about right?

here’s the thing. i have learned in the past (time and time again) that certain things, if not everything, should be thought through. this whole act on impulse thing just doesn’t work when it comes to matter of the heart.

impulse buying, like shopping therapy - that’s okay…but i’m talking about when it comes to feelings, yours and others.

the hardest thing to get past is emotion. at least for me. i act so crazy on it because i just have so much. it’s not a bad thing but you gotta learn how to deal with it so that later you don’t regret certain things you said or actions you have made.

so in this let me tell you…when it comes to matters of the heart, think about it, and sit on it for at least half an hour before you follow through…trust me, more times, you won’t follow through and realize it’s not worth it.

let things go…choose your battles.

.t

blackberry blogging...

so here’s the thing…i got a new phone and with it came 6 months of free data…deadly. but so necessary for me right now.

so i figured that i can blog while i’m on the go…fun right. yeah right. but whatever, i don’t care, i’m starting a series called BB, blackberry blogging.

look out for BB1.

.t

you know what really bothers me...

knowing that i hurt someone.

if i am aware that i have hurt someone, especially someone really close to me, it really puts a strain on my heart.

to know that i have caused someone saddness really makes me feel bad about myself and as a person.

but i mean…i haven’t really had to experience this feeling so much…??????? does that make sense?

what i’m saying is, if i have hurt someone and i know about it, i would go to lengths to make sure that my sincerest apologies were delivered. and i if it was someone i truly cared about and loved then i would risk humility (that’s BIG) to gain back trust and acceptance.

so please, i’m asking you, if i have hurt you in the past, or even today then let me know, i will be more than happy that you came to me because really, i don’t want anyone to feel sadness especially sadness that i have caused or i have taken part in.

.t

ugly...

yesterday i walked right into a full out girl fight in the park. it hadn’t started yet but i assumed it was what it was because there was an audience of about at least fifteen guys - (BOYS!) - two of which had video cameras.

and because it was in my hood, (yeah i live in the hood…some like to call it the projects, but we got gardens, gates, parks and speedbumps - that ain’t no project…anyways…) i knew almost all of the boys, none of the girls though.

as soon as they saw me they told me to keep it moving because they didn’t want me to be the peace settler. i thought it was funny. they were calling me old and shit, as if some of them weren’t just a year younger.

gross.

but of course, i stayed to see what was gonna happen with a promise that i would not interfere. (yeah right). so the fight started with of course sheer cursing. bitch this. bitch that. bitch. bitch. ugly bitch. stupid bitch. bitch. bitch. bitch.

so ugly!!! some girls are just so ugly.

anyways, it started to actually go somewhere and i was able to tell who the real “bitch” was in the situation. so of course, this is where i meddled a bit.

i wont get into it but basically i just told the “nice” girl that she should just really walk away, that first of all she’s just contributing to feed the pleasure of all these boys and that the “bitch” is a moron and a waste of time. that she’s one of those stupid ghetto tricks that would run up to mans house at three in the morning and bang on his window. so ugly.

and then she did, she walked away!!!!! yeah. whatever, she was really cute too, it would’ve sucked if she got her face slammed in, cause true say - the other girl would of murdered her and i would not even think about jumping in there - she was HUGE!

.t

full circle...

history truly repeats itself. it’s like a neverending cycle. something happens…then something happens again….then something comes right back around and makes a full circle.

this morning i had the opportunity to speak with a very wise woman, one of sophistication, scholar and sense.
(you radiate royalty)

transition. change. recognize. reorder. revise. refine.
all these are totally in the air right now.

you know that whole girl thing…where you and all your girlfriends get your period all at the same time…well it’s kinda like that. at least in this situation.

i must say, at least i’m not thee only one - saying that actually brings me comfort and prosperity. but in all seriousness shit sucks…

i know that this is all very vague and if you don’t know me then you’re probably wondering what it is that i’m speaking of…but it doesn’t even matter.

what i’m getting at is if you are going through something in life, (whatever it may be) and you think no one will understand and that you are so alone in the situation ——

trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are not alone.

its so crazy how the mind processes so fast. how so many thoughts can run through your head keeping you awake at all hours of the night. you never seem to find ease and peace within yourself because you’ve already gotten so far into your thoughts that you just start to go crazy.

but if you just take a second to let it out, you’ll feel so much better. and for real -the perspective of another can be very fulfilling to your wonders and your questions. you could seriously find some sort of serenity to sooth the soul.

(until the next day of course, when you search for something else to heal your heartache)…

learn something new each day. grow.

.t

p.s. remember: you are not alone.

i can't stand the growing pains...

SERIOUSLY (calling for all caps) - Erykah Badu is bad ass!
damn.

was blessed enough to see her show last night in toronto at massey hall. ms. badu was absolutely angelic. everything about her is so quintessential. her poise, delivery, range, swag, audience interaction - every single thing.

if you were hungry for some healing, you should’ve been there last night. the words and word play of all her songs are so bananas. you could not help but be touched -i know my emotions were screaming rage and relief all at the same time.

ahhh…its amazing how therapeutic music is.

well, if you didn’t believe me with my first blog ever, which was about ms.badu then you gotta believe me now when i say she is the truth.

my favourite song she did last night was the 10 minute, 4 seconds “green eyes”!!!!!! she freaking killed it. and just for this occasion, i will leave all the words as is…i don’t particularily like to have curse words on my blog, but i will make an exception because it’s in context - and it’s real.

Don’t you want be strong with me
You told me we had a family
Want to run to me when you’re down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you wanna run again
Open your arms and you’ll come back in
Wanna run cause you say that you were afraid, afraid

Never knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can’t be what I need you to
And I don’t know why i fuck with you

I know our love will never be the same
But I can’t stand the growing pains

.t