September 2, 2008

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!! calling for all caps - too cute
the nephew of samantha and myk miranda, moses james.

.t

•
August 23, 2008

I am (not) ready for love?!!!?!?! Really? Is it like that?

I didn’t even know there was a ready for love and not ready for love. I just thought that it was something you fall into, completely – and without choice…you are swallowed up.

But then maybe…once you are swallowed up – it spits you right back up. is that the way love goes. really…where’s janet, miss nasty if you’d like when you need her.

today i saw this couple, they were probably in their 70’s, anyways, they were holding hands standing still and i thought it was the cutest thing ever.

my faith in love still holds strong. and although i have been struck by the sword of sadness (in so many places) i still believe.

i love being in love. i mean, although i only have had one experience to base that on - it was enough.

i am so ready for love again. i’m not looking for it or anything but i am hopeful that it will cross my path again and be even greater than the first.

remember what we used to say sj? no one is ready. so far, it still takes hold.

.t

love to the enlightener.

•
August 11, 2008

come and go.

right now, they are here. they were gone for a while but it has creeped back these last couple of days…

eww. regardless, the brilliant nina simone just vocalizes everything so beautifully.

.t

•
August 5, 2008
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

coming into encounters with a friend of a previous lover is always an awkward moment. you remember the times the three of you hung out, ate, laughed, smiled - shared moments.

everything is a moment. a moment of power – one which is equivalent to the amount of the moment of that strength – DAMN - that probably only makes sense in my head!!!

wow. not even gonna think about editing to make sense. that is how i hear it in my head, if i try to change it it may perhaps change my understanding of the moment. that which I would not like.

i think what i think. and i think this song is so stupid. lol. not for real. i just still use the gnarly era term stupid in the context that it means so f-ing good. for real though, esthero. featuring cee-lo green??? so STUPID. if you don’t know then find out. just as well.

best cee-lo line in song:
“love is blind it’s in you literally stop seeing.”

someone once told me one of his favourite artists is cee-lo. isn’t it so funny how we admire these people who put words together that mean so much. that we really engolf ourselves around the song, the idea, the message, the feeling. the one that keeps you at edge, the one that makes you hit back play and listen to it over and over and over again. Just regenerating all the words , cycling in you head, with intensity higher then the time before and the time before that to only anticipate the intensity of the next time you listen to it which will always be right after.

until you finally sit steadily, at ease with your thoughts and the process of which it took to get where you are that you can finally hit the spacebar and walk away.

GONE.

.t

p.s. that is an example of free association writing. = writing without thinking or pause.

p.s.s. this is dedicated to the members of CLUTCH and my art therapist, jmae.

•
July 31, 2008
mommy and mahks day. how about we are the best finders forever. we found a cute dress for the wedding she will be attending on saturday in ten minutes into the mall. cute. more photo journals to come…obviously it’s my new thing. .t

mommy and mahks day.

how about we are the best finders forever. we found a cute dress for the wedding she will be attending on saturday in ten minutes into the mall. cute.

more photo journals to come…obviously it’s my new thing.

.t

•
for a second i forgot that i hated hospitals. it wasn’t until i was in the elevator by myself that it started to pace me. my heart rate instantly started increasing with each floor, the higher it went the faster my beat became. the velocity of my thoughts stopped me dead when the elevator doors opened. i felt suffocated, my ability to breath became rigid and i was unable to yield off. but when the doors slowly started closing before me i found it in me to snap out. i stepped out. cancer is a bitch. someone once told me that if we don’t get hit by a car or die from something like that sort then we will eventually die of some sort of cancer.true??? perhaps. i don’t know. all i know is that i was faced again with the value of life and was reminded that the pressence of one is a precious bestowal. lately i’ve been having to deal with people leaving my life…as sad as it is i’m sure there is a reason for every situation. and although some i still have yet to understand why…i will continue to keep patience and hold on really tight to the ones i still have. .tdedicated to a. de jesus & s. miranda & m. hallim

for a second i forgot that i hated hospitals. it wasn’t until i was in the elevator by myself that it started to pace me. my heart rate instantly started increasing with each floor, the higher it went the faster my beat became.

the velocity of my thoughts stopped me dead when the elevator doors opened. i felt suffocated, my ability to breath became rigid and i was unable to yield off. but when the doors slowly started closing before me i found it in me to snap out.
i stepped out.

cancer is a bitch. someone once told me that if we don’t get hit by a car or die from something like that sort then we will eventually die of some sort of cancer.
true??? perhaps.

i don’t know. all i know is that i was faced again with the value of life and was reminded that the pressence of one is a precious bestowal.

lately i’ve been having to deal with people leaving my life…as sad as it is i’m sure there is a reason for every situation. and although some i still have yet to understand why…i will continue to keep patience and hold on really tight to the ones i still have.

.t

dedicated to a. de jesus & s. miranda & m. hallim

•
July 29, 2008
this party is hosted by the most lovliest ladies of toronto.octapus lounge this friday august 1st. 293 palmerston ave @ college street$10 before midnight. - this picture is a picture i took of a picture i took. it’s all the subjects. .t

this party is hosted by the most lovliest ladies of toronto.
octapus lounge this friday august 1st.
293 palmerston ave @ college street
$10 before midnight.

- this picture is a picture i took of a picture i took. it’s all the subjects.

.t

•
June 17, 2008
okay ladies, this is the program of the summer hosted by yours truly accompanied by the most latest lovelies. take advantage of an opportunity that is totally targeted towards creativity. eplore and express. .t

okay ladies, this is the program of the summer hosted by yours truly accompanied by the most latest lovelies.

take advantage of an opportunity that is totally targeted towards creativity.
eplore and express.

.t

•
June 6, 2008

BB2 attempt…

Ah. Young love. Of course I get on the bus w four fifteen year olds. 2 girls and 2 boys, and obviously they,re coupled out and in love - oh yeah and did I mention I’m alone.

Lol.

I was speaking w my constant enlightener the other night and she said,
“love, it just doesn’t get easier, it sucks when you’re sixteen and it sucks when you’re twenty six.”

I was like damnNNNNN. Hmmm…..it’s so true. But at sixteen you think that it will get better right? At least that’s what I thought.

But since then I haven’t even had the time to think about how hard it was. All my thoughts were consumed into issues at hand. Not realizing that love was the real issue.

Love is a job in itself. Realizing what love means, acknowledging the sacrifices and obstacles that will be thown onto your path. That love is a commitment. one that you make with one (supersupersuper) special person.

And then, ta-da!!!!!!!!!! You make it work! Lol.
Yeah right, if only.

Seriously though, if you are questioning your present state of existence to one person then you should really re evaluate your placement.

How much of your own happiness must you compromise.

Well here’s the answer: just as much as he is.

So lady, just remember, there is such a thing called unfairness, you better be getting AT least just as much as you give out.

I say at least cause f it. I don’t care, you are the lady, you are his, he should recognize what that is and surpass the expectations expectation.

Find a man who truly adores you and shows you that through affection everyday.

.t
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

•

damn…

i wrote my first BB this morning at 2:43am when i was on my way home and i guess it didn’t work. ahhh…and it was so gin and tonic good!!! at least, i think it was.

but maybe it wasn’t. maybe it was me without thinking. i used to do that a lot. so yeah, now that i think about it, it’s probably better it didn’t go through.

i know, you don’t even know what it was about right?

here’s the thing. i have learned in the past (time and time again) that certain things, if not everything, should be thought through. this whole act on impulse thing just doesn’t work when it comes to matter of the heart.

impulse buying, like shopping therapy - that’s okay…but i’m talking about when it comes to feelings, yours and others.

the hardest thing to get past is emotion. at least for me. i act so crazy on it because i just have so much. it’s not a bad thing but you gotta learn how to deal with it so that later you don’t regret certain things you said or actions you have made.

so in this let me tell you…when it comes to matters of the heart, think about it, and sit on it for at least half an hour before you follow through…trust me, more times, you won’t follow through and realize it’s not worth it.

let things go…choose your battles.

.t

•